Well, my friends, I have not written for like two weeks. This is because I am rather lazy and forgetful sometimes, so I never really got around to it. Since way too much happened during that time period, I will naturally just tell a story about a billygoat instead of summing up the weeks.
Disco-Goat
Once upon a time in the late 1970's, there was a billygoat named Karpi-punto. As you may be able to guess, he was very embarrassed by this rather atrocious name, so he just went by Karp. Now obviously he wasn't your ordinary billygoat, or this story would mainly be about him eating grass and kicking miscellaneous objects while producing rather putrid milk and cheese. Instead, this billygoat had an important mission, given to him by all sane residents of the world. And what was this mission, you may ask? Destroy disco. Anyplace that played disco, anyone that sang disco, even anyone that remotely liked disco. They all had to go.
Now why the heck would a billygoat be put in charge of this most important of tasks? Again, this was no ordinary billygoat. He was bred for a single purpose-to put an end to the most atrocious sounds to ever defile our world. His horns were sound conductors, genetically enhanced to gather and destroy any form of disco within two square miles. He could smell the slightest appreciation for the genre from any point within the same continent, and his very presence was enough to make a lethal virus out of the frequency of disco radio station waves. This was a goat to be reckoned with.
Finally, President Jimmy Carter had had enough of his country slowly rotting from the "Disco Pandemic" (On a sidenote, "disco pandemic" can be rearranged to spell "End Acidic Mops," which is probably a good idea because honestly, who wants an acidic mop? No one. That's who. That's just asking for a ruined floor.) After a long and hard-fought battle with congress over the ethicacy of his plan, he eventually gained permission to unleash the ultimate weapon. He immediately grabbed the phone and dialed for the secret agent only known as "Farmer Mordecai," the man responsible for the special breeding and training of this goat.
"Begin operation DG immediately," he calmly said, and with those four words started the most morally justified war in history.
The first reported incident occured somewhere in Mesa, Arizona. The police received the following 911 distress call.
"Dude, we were totally groovin to some Bee Gees and this goat flew in, man! We were like, 'Whoa! Dude! That goat's totally gonna groove with us!' But then he didn't! At first I thought it was just somethin cuz i was high, you know? Like the discoball was going crazy and wacko colors were flying into the goat's horns, but then my buddy Steve was like, 'dude, I'm sober, and there's a flying goat!' And then I was like, 'No way!' and he's like, 'Yes way!' and then the music stopped, and now the goat's kicking people all over the place! And now he's flying this way! Since when do goats fly, dude!? AIEEEEEEEEEE!"
TO BE CONTINUED.
Yeah. Guys, I'm really tired. I have no idea what possessed me to write that. But heck, I'll probably finish it tomorrow since I have nothing better to do. Enjoy life, and don't eat too many hamsters.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
A Learning Experience
Me and Keenan learned quite a bit yesterday, my friends. First, we learned that you can freak people out really easily by just touching their face, and this now happens much more frequently than it ever should in our dorm. And yes, this is all Emily’s fault.
Second, we learned that all of our other roommates are very inconsiderate and rude indeed, with the exception of Steven. Yesterday evening, me, keenan, and Emily came back to our dorm, very excited to taste the mixture of jello and chocolate pudding that we had brilliantly thought up earlier that day. We opened the door, expecting the smell of strawberry wonder, the view of our roommates ready and waiting to eat this tasty treat alongside us, and feelings of happiness to be awoken within our hearts. We went 0 for 3. We entered to a table full of gluttonous traitors with their bellies full of our tasty creation, feeling neither remorse nor guilt for their treacherous act of selfish greed. Long gone were the jello and the pudding, along with any respect I had ever had for any of the people involved. I will shortly unleash the spanking of a lifetime on Josh for this foul deed. I had better hopes for these people. Shame, shame.
On a lighter note, we got yet another note from our stalker friends. This time we figured out that they are for Josh in specific, which is really funny seeing as the first note came with 5 brownies and he was the only one that didn’t actually get one. We figured this out because as we were about to enter our dorm, we met a girl right outside asking if we could do her a favor. Now us, being 5 (Josh wasn’t here at this time, for suspicious reasons) of the 7 most gentlemanly people in the universe, quickly agreed and asked what it was we could do that would make her life a little bit easier. She said she was looking for a Josh in our hall, and we eventually figured out that it was indeed our Josh that she was looking for. She said that her roommate wanted her to drop off this plate and note to Josh, which went as follows. Again, this is accurate, so don’t blame me. And click on the picture if you don’t believe me.
“My dearest Love,
Four score and seven years ago, we met at a beateous dance. When we danced, the sparks melted my *heart, my *mind, and my *lips….Though your friends are fruits and nuts, I won’t let spoil our tender memories that night. Here are two pieces of bread. One is for you, one is for me. Hopefully we can eat them together soon.
xOxxOxXoxoox”
*=these words were accompanied by a picture
It came with a plate full of nuts and dried fruit along with 2 pieces of banana bread. They also left a hint that I will not tell you guys, seeing as I don’t even know this person so I shouldn’t be giving out info on them. I shouldn’t be this considerate, however. They called me and my other roommates fruits and nuts, which is not only a blatant lie and ridiculously immature and rude, but also made it so the only goodies we got out of it were stupid nuts and dried fruit. It wasn’t nearly as much of a success as the first note, obviously. We also have a fairly good idea of what is going down with these notes, and we’re 97% confident it’s a joke, seeing as very few people are actually this creepy for real. Now the only problem is figuring out who it is. But that can wait for later.
Anyway, another thing we learned is that we laugh way too easily and in very inappropriate environments. We were in church, enjoying a very nice lesson and having our souls edified magnificently when Josh randomly turns to me and Keenan and makes a very silly, quiet sound with his mouth. There was absolutely no reason why this should have been even close to as funny as it was, but we ended up laughing for (no joke) ten or fifteen straight minutes, desperately trying to contain ourselves enough so we didn’t disrupt the rest of the class. I think we failed.
We also learned that you can go into a dumpster by Krispy Kreme and get bags of day-old donuts whenever you please. Why I did not know this before is a mystery to me. Why in the world would anyone ever buy a donut when hundreds of them were just sitting in dumpsters, waiting for us to come by and pick them up and take them to a better place? I do not know.
We also had quite an eventful night, not going to bed til 3:30. We did some perfect pushups, read some Office quotes, and drilled Daniel about his spicy nachos. We were very much considering making brownies at 3 in the morning, but then we realized that we didn’t actually have a tray to put the brownies in, which dampened our spirits a bit, eventually leading us to give up on making goodies and just go to bed.
Second, we learned that all of our other roommates are very inconsiderate and rude indeed, with the exception of Steven. Yesterday evening, me, keenan, and Emily came back to our dorm, very excited to taste the mixture of jello and chocolate pudding that we had brilliantly thought up earlier that day. We opened the door, expecting the smell of strawberry wonder, the view of our roommates ready and waiting to eat this tasty treat alongside us, and feelings of happiness to be awoken within our hearts. We went 0 for 3. We entered to a table full of gluttonous traitors with their bellies full of our tasty creation, feeling neither remorse nor guilt for their treacherous act of selfish greed. Long gone were the jello and the pudding, along with any respect I had ever had for any of the people involved. I will shortly unleash the spanking of a lifetime on Josh for this foul deed. I had better hopes for these people. Shame, shame.
On a lighter note, we got yet another note from our stalker friends. This time we figured out that they are for Josh in specific, which is really funny seeing as the first note came with 5 brownies and he was the only one that didn’t actually get one. We figured this out because as we were about to enter our dorm, we met a girl right outside asking if we could do her a favor. Now us, being 5 (Josh wasn’t here at this time, for suspicious reasons) of the 7 most gentlemanly people in the universe, quickly agreed and asked what it was we could do that would make her life a little bit easier. She said she was looking for a Josh in our hall, and we eventually figured out that it was indeed our Josh that she was looking for. She said that her roommate wanted her to drop off this plate and note to Josh, which went as follows. Again, this is accurate, so don’t blame me. And click on the picture if you don’t believe me.
“My dearest Love,
Four score and seven years ago, we met at a beateous dance. When we danced, the sparks melted my *heart, my *mind, and my *lips….Though your friends are fruits and nuts, I won’t let spoil our tender memories that night. Here are two pieces of bread. One is for you, one is for me. Hopefully we can eat them together soon.
xOxxOxXoxoox”
*=these words were accompanied by a pictureIt came with a plate full of nuts and dried fruit along with 2 pieces of banana bread. They also left a hint that I will not tell you guys, seeing as I don’t even know this person so I shouldn’t be giving out info on them. I shouldn’t be this considerate, however. They called me and my other roommates fruits and nuts, which is not only a blatant lie and ridiculously immature and rude, but also made it so the only goodies we got out of it were stupid nuts and dried fruit. It wasn’t nearly as much of a success as the first note, obviously. We also have a fairly good idea of what is going down with these notes, and we’re 97% confident it’s a joke, seeing as very few people are actually this creepy for real. Now the only problem is figuring out who it is. But that can wait for later.
Anyway, another thing we learned is that we laugh way too easily and in very inappropriate environments. We were in church, enjoying a very nice lesson and having our souls edified magnificently when Josh randomly turns to me and Keenan and makes a very silly, quiet sound with his mouth. There was absolutely no reason why this should have been even close to as funny as it was, but we ended up laughing for (no joke) ten or fifteen straight minutes, desperately trying to contain ourselves enough so we didn’t disrupt the rest of the class. I think we failed.
We also learned that you can go into a dumpster by Krispy Kreme and get bags of day-old donuts whenever you please. Why I did not know this before is a mystery to me. Why in the world would anyone ever buy a donut when hundreds of them were just sitting in dumpsters, waiting for us to come by and pick them up and take them to a better place? I do not know.
We also had quite an eventful night, not going to bed til 3:30. We did some perfect pushups, read some Office quotes, and drilled Daniel about his spicy nachos. We were very much considering making brownies at 3 in the morning, but then we realized that we didn’t actually have a tray to put the brownies in, which dampened our spirits a bit, eventually leading us to give up on making goodies and just go to bed.
Victory!!!
There are days we all have that go better than expected, like say, winning the lottery or finding out that your grandpa was a taxicab driver for Frank Sinatra, and then there are days like yesterday, when BYU beats #3 ranked Oklahoma in the first game of their football season. I watched said game with about 20 other people at my friend Kait’s house, seeing as she has a house all to herself since her parents left for Israel without her. Check the link to the espn article if you want more info about the actual game, other than that it was freakin awesome.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?columnist=forde_pat&id=4450174&sportCat=ncf
Now I must say I feel rather bad for Sam Bradford, though. He certainly had a rough day. Getting injured and losing your game and probably your season with it is never very fun. Not exactly one of those days that you can’t wait to run home and write in your journal. Either way, I do strongly disagree with some analysts when they mention BYU in BCS or even championship game talk, seeing as it’s been 1 game and I don’t see them rising higher than maybe like #14 over the weekend. Take it one week at a time, my friends. One week at a time.
Anyway, at first I thought the insanity at the house was pretty top-notch, honestly. Our rather large yelling-and-jumping-into-each-other group was crazy after the last missed field goal, and there was much running around and rejoicing afterwards. After that, though, we decided to go back to campus and see if there was some sort of wild victory party going on. There was. Every car on campus was honking and yelling praises to the BYU football team to other cars and pedestrians, and there were a few gatherings of fans scattered around campus, dancing and reveling like madmen. We ended up going to a dance party that was pretty dang fun and then coming back to the dorm to sit around doing nothing like usual, which in our dorm turns hilarious, obviously. That’s pretty much what went down yesterday (And yes, I do realize that by the time this is posted, it won't really be yesterday, but when I started this post it was. Give me a break).
GO COUGARS!!!!!
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?columnist=forde_pat&id=4450174&sportCat=ncf
Now I must say I feel rather bad for Sam Bradford, though. He certainly had a rough day. Getting injured and losing your game and probably your season with it is never very fun. Not exactly one of those days that you can’t wait to run home and write in your journal. Either way, I do strongly disagree with some analysts when they mention BYU in BCS or even championship game talk, seeing as it’s been 1 game and I don’t see them rising higher than maybe like #14 over the weekend. Take it one week at a time, my friends. One week at a time.
Anyway, at first I thought the insanity at the house was pretty top-notch, honestly. Our rather large yelling-and-jumping-into-each-other group was crazy after the last missed field goal, and there was much running around and rejoicing afterwards. After that, though, we decided to go back to campus and see if there was some sort of wild victory party going on. There was. Every car on campus was honking and yelling praises to the BYU football team to other cars and pedestrians, and there were a few gatherings of fans scattered around campus, dancing and reveling like madmen. We ended up going to a dance party that was pretty dang fun and then coming back to the dorm to sit around doing nothing like usual, which in our dorm turns hilarious, obviously. That’s pretty much what went down yesterday (And yes, I do realize that by the time this is posted, it won't really be yesterday, but when I started this post it was. Give me a break).
GO COUGARS!!!!!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
The Great Brownie Mystery
I once thought I had this whole life thing figured out; nothing could ever confuse me, nor could it exhaust my mind by forcing me to strenuously ponder to find an answer to my problem. This idea, this peaceful security-it all ended yesterday. But before I get to the cause of this shattering of my universe, allow me to provide some background.
There was a welcome-back dance for all the students at the school yesterday, so we all decided to go (except for Josh, of course. Curse those spicy nachos, and see about 2 posts ago if you don't understand what I'm talking about.) During this dancing, Daniel and Keenan made themselves instant celebrities by jumping in many dancing circles and doing their thing. I did the smart thing and decided not to join them, seeing as they can actually dance incredibly well while my dancing resembles what would probably come in your head if told to picture a rather chubby mime trying to swat a hoard of mosquitoes while playing dance-dance revolution, all while miming out the entire storyline of Twilight. Not pleasant. Either way, after the music ended and the screams for Daniel and Keenan from admiring girls had silenced at least for the most part, we decided to head back to our dorm.
Now in order to make what follows even more intriguing, let me explain that Keenan had actually left the dance a little early in order to talk to his dance partner. He was walking back to the dance after this but decided to call us to make sure it was still going on. It wasn’t. Naturally, he decided to go back to the dorm and meet us there. He arrived about a minute and a half before we did, and there was absolutely nothing on the floor next to our door, which at this time didn’t seem like too big of a deal to him, as there is very rarely actually something there. However, when the rest of us got to our door, there was a plate of brownies with a note right outside it. Now if this wasn’t confusing enough, here is what the note was like. And yes, the misspellings are on purpose and accurate. I double-checked this, and it is 100% right, so none of the weirdness can be blamed on me.
“Dearest my love,
Your eyes are like luscious palm-a-granitz, and your thighs are…..tender. When I cry, I keep my tears in a couldren, so that maybe oneday, I can pour my tears across your lips. If penguins were my love for you, I would be a penguin. Yes. Look into my skull, and breathe every last single always forever without for always always if only for true freedom, to God and our country, with liberty and justice for all.
Felicidades. xoXoOxXooXO” 
And if this wasn’t odd enough, there is a word that is scribbled over right before the word “lips” that looks like it says “boo-T-licious”, which is not only a terrible spelling, but also very random and bizarre. We tried to figure out who the heck would have the right combination of 1. Lots of time on their hands to make us brownies, 2. The actual ability to make brownies, and 3. The randomness and insanity to write this note. We had a few ideas but we don’t think any of them are actually right. We even asked some girls we were hanging out with if there were any girl-like hints inside it to no avail, which makes sense seeing as we’re pretty convinced it’s from a boy anyway.
NEWS FLASH!!!
I interrupt this post because I feel the need to thank my friend Krissie, who just lived up to our deal by not only buying me cookies, but getting me like 5 bags worth of them. The joy from these cookies will surely last me at least a day and a half. I am most pleased. That is all.
END NEWS FLASH!!!
Back to the original story, we spent about five minutes trying to figure out if there was some sort of hint or code in the note, which spawned such theories as that the misspelled words were misspelled on purpose as a hint. Eventually we decided that the senders were probably just stupid and didn’t have any idea what they were doing, so we gave up. However, despite this failure, two good things came out of this: 1. We got brownies, and 2. We now like to say the line, “Look into my skull, and breathe every last single always forever without for always always if only for true freedom,” just because it’s so randomly awesome. We also tried to have a slumber party with a bunch of mattresses in the kitchen last night, but that didn’t work nearly as well as we had hoped. But should you hear or know anything about suspicious brownie-makers, please let me know.
Friday, September 4, 2009
A Day of Caring
Sometimes when the food in the refrigerator is dwindling and the homework load is increasing at a rate similar to that of hamster reproduction, college kids just need a hug. We as a dorm acknowledge this fact, and therefore designated yesterday, September 3rd, 2009, as a day for the dorm to have a “Hugfest”-a day of showing our appreciation for the awesomeness that is us. We wrote this down on our nifty little whiteboard calendar in our hallway and began the festivities pretty much right when we awoke; whenever we would greet another member of our dorm, we would immediately give them a rather large hug, making our day infinitely better and making it impossible for a hint of sorrow to invade our dorm.
The only problem with this amazing plan to bring happiness to our dwelling was that it required at least one roommate to be around at all times. In a perfect world, this would not have been an issue. However, as it was, I was left alone in the dorm for quite a long time attempting to find solitary entertainment. Now at first, many diabolical uses for this time came into my brain, such as giving away all of my roommates’ clothes to bearded homeless men or making cookies but then eating them all myself before my roommates came back, but I eventually decided to be somewhat nicer, seeing as it was Hugfest and all. The result from this was that I don’t have much to report from the afternoon.
The evening, however, brought a bit more excitement. Daniel, Keenan, and I went over to a girls apartment to hang out, and instantly knew we were in for an awesome night when the first thing that happened was the girls bringing out a bunch of markers and paper and telling us we were going to draw “Teen Girl Squad” versions of ourselves. If you don’t know what that is, Google it right now. It’s worth your time. Anyways, after this we watched a bunch of videos of Flight of the Conchords (again, google it) and a few other miscellaneous things. It was a fairly enjoyable evening.
After this little adventure, we all returned to the dorm and realized that it was 11:55 and that there was only 5 minutes left in our Hugfest. We knew at that point that we had to make the best of what we had left, and therefore we got in a big dorm group hug for the last 5 minutes of the day. The levels of emotion during this process ranged from Daniel, who wasn’t very approving of it all, seeing as he was eagerly awaiting the end so he could go eat the rest of his corndog, to Evan, who was in the middle of all of us and was therefore very excited about life at that moment, to Steven, who we called in at about 11:57 and who was very confused about what was going on. But I do believe for everyone involved, with the possible exception of Daniel, these last five minutes were the best of the day. Male bonding time is certainly always a favorite.
The only problem with this amazing plan to bring happiness to our dwelling was that it required at least one roommate to be around at all times. In a perfect world, this would not have been an issue. However, as it was, I was left alone in the dorm for quite a long time attempting to find solitary entertainment. Now at first, many diabolical uses for this time came into my brain, such as giving away all of my roommates’ clothes to bearded homeless men or making cookies but then eating them all myself before my roommates came back, but I eventually decided to be somewhat nicer, seeing as it was Hugfest and all. The result from this was that I don’t have much to report from the afternoon.
The evening, however, brought a bit more excitement. Daniel, Keenan, and I went over to a girls apartment to hang out, and instantly knew we were in for an awesome night when the first thing that happened was the girls bringing out a bunch of markers and paper and telling us we were going to draw “Teen Girl Squad” versions of ourselves. If you don’t know what that is, Google it right now. It’s worth your time. Anyways, after this we watched a bunch of videos of Flight of the Conchords (again, google it) and a few other miscellaneous things. It was a fairly enjoyable evening.
After this little adventure, we all returned to the dorm and realized that it was 11:55 and that there was only 5 minutes left in our Hugfest. We knew at that point that we had to make the best of what we had left, and therefore we got in a big dorm group hug for the last 5 minutes of the day. The levels of emotion during this process ranged from Daniel, who wasn’t very approving of it all, seeing as he was eagerly awaiting the end so he could go eat the rest of his corndog, to Evan, who was in the middle of all of us and was therefore very excited about life at that moment, to Steven, who we called in at about 11:57 and who was very confused about what was going on. But I do believe for everyone involved, with the possible exception of Daniel, these last five minutes were the best of the day. Male bonding time is certainly always a favorite.
Orientation Celebration
So some of you might be wondering why I skipped all the way from the first day of moving in to a week later. This is because I didn’t actually start my blog until yesterday, and the only article I had written was for the first day. Now seeing as I don’t want to hurt myself trying to remember all the details of the last week, I have decided to compose a poem about it.
Orientation Celebration
It started off as a group of six boys,
With many great plans and sinister ploys
Our dorm is unstoppable, and our chemistry unreal,
We even worked together for a legitimate meal.
If there was a list for the coolest of dorms,
We’d be number 1 in all shapes and all forms.
Our group was gone, and after searching and failing,
We eventually found them, but found ourselves bailing.
We did our own thing, and ran amok round the town,
Watching the duckies and frolicking around.
We went to a few boring classes, I suppose,
And also were impressed by the name Emily Rose
We went to an Extravaganza, which is quite a cool name.
But alas, twas deceiving! The event was quite lame!
They had odd games that I wanted no part in,
Team building exercises? Arguing lessons? Where to begin?
But then came Saturday, where we danced for a while,
And even had slow dances without a denial!
But the real fun began late at night in our dorm,
When our hyperness level surpassed that of the norm.
We sang karaoke and had many great times,
And came up with catchphrases like just yelling “HEINZ!!!”
We’ve frightened some people and gained a few stalkers,
And made memories we’ll have when we’re all using walkers.
We’ve eaten some jello and watched some iCarly,
Sang some Enrique Iglesias and also Bob Marley.
We’ve had epic HORSE games with Josh’s laundry basket,
And I beat him so bad he left in a casket.
We’ve made lots of kool-aid and bonded together,
This chaos is some we’ll remember forever.
I don’t really know what else I should say,
So I think I’ll just wrap up and end it this way.
I hope you enjoyed my week in review,
And I hope I’ll be able to write again soon.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Spicy Nachos
Today on “Explanation and Examples of Random Things Born in the Dorm,” we are explaining the secret meaning of “spicy nachos.” It all began on a Sunday like any other. Actually, scratch that. It wasn’t a Sunday like any other; any other Sunday does not usually involve eating a ridiculously large container of orange jello while laughing so hard that all talking is banned during said eating to prevent innocent civilians from getting jello spat on them by Keenan. However, during this particular Sunday, Keenan was texting a girl. Now I know you think this moment was monumental enough already, but it became almost legendary when this conversation sparked one of our new catchphrases. In one of the girl’s texts, she called Keenan a smart cookie, which left him at a loss for words and in desperate need of creative assistance. He quickly turned to me and asked what he should say, and I, having just eaten many Spicy Nacho Doritos, told him to call her a spicy nacho. My advice was quickly taken, and she even demanded a recording of him saying it because we explained to her that it doesn’t have quite the same effect unless you hear it, which is the truth.
Anyway, later that night, we were singing karaoke in the dorm like is expected and natural. After an evening filled with the delightful sounds of Phil Collins, Beyonce, and the Eurythmics, among others, we gathered around the whiteboard in the hallway and wondered just how much better our night would have been had our roommate Daniel not ran off with his girlfriend and been absent for the festivities. We then left him a note with a simple phrase on the whiteboard-“Karaoke before spicy nachos, man.” Those five words were the grand beginning to the tradition of accusing people of being with “Spicy Nachos” for getting in any situation that involved a member of the female race whom the guilty party was attracted to.
Now that being said, it is time for the example portion of “Explanation and Examples of Random Things Born in the Dorm.” I went on a date yesterday. Now seeing as I’m in a dorm with 4 ridiculously immature college students and one extremely mature, responsible college student (Steven), I obviously knew I was in for some major teasing and questioning after the date as it was, but throw in that we had just had our first girl talk of the year the day before and I knew it’d just get downright absurd. They certainly didn’t prove me wrong. Within the first five minutes of the date, I had texts from all 4 of the previously mentioned immature boys, saying things such as “Remember who you are and what you stand for, Nate,” lyrics from the song “Kiss the Girl” from Disney’s “The Little Mermaid,” and “There is a time and place for spicy nachos, and this is it!!!” Luckily I didn’t check these until after the date.
Anyway, the date itself was actually very enjoyable indeed. I met her at her apartment, where two of her roommates pretended to be her parents and saw us off, all the while asking me questions to make sure I was a trustworthy young man. We decided to go off campus to find someplace to eat, and we eventually stumbled upon a Panda Express, which is pretty much the Tiger Woods/Roger Federer/Billie Mays/etc. of Chinese take-out places. After courageously fighting through armies of bees to finish our meal (and by armies I mean one bee), we went back to campus. It was here that she told me she wanted to take me to Baskin Robbins and buy me ice cream, which was very nice, but wasn't exactly an idea I was too fond of, mainly because I’m used to the fact that if I ask someone on a date, I pay and I didn’t want her to have to spend any money on me. However, with some help from her stubbornness, my longing for free food made a compromise with my chivalry and I decided I’d get the smallest size of ice cream they had. This all would have worked out great, except the guy that got us our ice cream made fun of me for about ten straight minutes about how small my ice cream was, which also would have been fine if he was smart enough to have a fun fake-insult argument with, but alas, he wasn't, so I just kinda let it slide. After that, we went back to campus, got her laptop, and watched a movie together on a hill. It was actually pretty dang fun, and the "spicy nacho" interrogations from the roommates only lasted for about 15 minutes afterwards. I was quite pleased with the night.
Anyway, later that night, we were singing karaoke in the dorm like is expected and natural. After an evening filled with the delightful sounds of Phil Collins, Beyonce, and the Eurythmics, among others, we gathered around the whiteboard in the hallway and wondered just how much better our night would have been had our roommate Daniel not ran off with his girlfriend and been absent for the festivities. We then left him a note with a simple phrase on the whiteboard-“Karaoke before spicy nachos, man.” Those five words were the grand beginning to the tradition of accusing people of being with “Spicy Nachos” for getting in any situation that involved a member of the female race whom the guilty party was attracted to.
Now that being said, it is time for the example portion of “Explanation and Examples of Random Things Born in the Dorm.” I went on a date yesterday. Now seeing as I’m in a dorm with 4 ridiculously immature college students and one extremely mature, responsible college student (Steven), I obviously knew I was in for some major teasing and questioning after the date as it was, but throw in that we had just had our first girl talk of the year the day before and I knew it’d just get downright absurd. They certainly didn’t prove me wrong. Within the first five minutes of the date, I had texts from all 4 of the previously mentioned immature boys, saying things such as “Remember who you are and what you stand for, Nate,” lyrics from the song “Kiss the Girl” from Disney’s “The Little Mermaid,” and “There is a time and place for spicy nachos, and this is it!!!” Luckily I didn’t check these until after the date.
Anyway, the date itself was actually very enjoyable indeed. I met her at her apartment, where two of her roommates pretended to be her parents and saw us off, all the while asking me questions to make sure I was a trustworthy young man. We decided to go off campus to find someplace to eat, and we eventually stumbled upon a Panda Express, which is pretty much the Tiger Woods/Roger Federer/Billie Mays/etc. of Chinese take-out places. After courageously fighting through armies of bees to finish our meal (and by armies I mean one bee), we went back to campus. It was here that she told me she wanted to take me to Baskin Robbins and buy me ice cream, which was very nice, but wasn't exactly an idea I was too fond of, mainly because I’m used to the fact that if I ask someone on a date, I pay and I didn’t want her to have to spend any money on me. However, with some help from her stubbornness, my longing for free food made a compromise with my chivalry and I decided I’d get the smallest size of ice cream they had. This all would have worked out great, except the guy that got us our ice cream made fun of me for about ten straight minutes about how small my ice cream was, which also would have been fine if he was smart enough to have a fun fake-insult argument with, but alas, he wasn't, so I just kinda let it slide. After that, we went back to campus, got her laptop, and watched a movie together on a hill. It was actually pretty dang fun, and the "spicy nacho" interrogations from the roommates only lasted for about 15 minutes afterwards. I was quite pleased with the night.
The Meeting
First impressions are very important in the realm of college life; If people first view a man saving babies from a burning playground, they are much more inclined to want to be that man’s friend than if they first saw him, say, singing a karaoke version of the Oompa Loompa songs from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory complete with costumes to match. People decide just about how well they would want to get to know someone within about 1.8 seconds of meeting them. If you screw up your first 2 seconds with someone you really want to meet, you’ve got your work cut out for you, my friend. It sometimes takes weeks, months, or even years to convince someone that their first impression was inaccurate and that you’re not really some idiot who can’t even breathe without the help of multiple self-help booklets.
Obviously, I hoped my roommates’ first impression of me would be more along the baby-saver’s side of the scale than the Oompa Loompa singer’s. Unfortunately for me, in my life I have proven that I am much more likely to do the latter. I only wished my new roommates would be able to handle and accept my insanity and perhaps even embrace the madness alongside me. I knew that three of the five(named Josh, Daniel, and Steven) were safe, as they had gone to my high school and had been friends with me for years and thus knew what to expect. The two I did not know, however, could have gone either way. I did a brief amount of facebook stalking of both of them, attempting to get a feel for how they’d react to our dorm and the chaos that would surely arise within. This is very hard to do only having pictures and random wall posts to work with. However, the day soon came to move out, and with it, the day of the first meeting.
Now on that note, I’m sure some greater power must have intervened in my meetings with my roommates. Surely mere coincidence couldn’t have created such perfect situations; for instance, I met my roommate Keenan by walking in my dorm to see what it was like, seeing Keenan down the hall, deciding I didn’t recognize him even with my aforementioned facebook stalking, panicking, muttering a very awkward greeting, and running back out the door to the much more comforting environment of the outdoors. It must have been fate. Naturally, I wish this is the same way in which I meet my future wife.
I was soon told by Daniel, one of the roommates that I knew from high school, that this stranger was indeed my roommate so I didn’t have to panic, and I soon gathered up the courage to reenter my dorm. In no time I had unpacked and was taking a very lovely nap. I was awoken by the noise of the door opening and the sight of a stranger peeking into my room. This time my facebook stalking did not fail me, and I knew he was my roommate Evan. I was very sleepy, so I am not entirely sure what I said to him at this point, but I am very certain that it made little to no sense. It was a very tender first meeting, though. Of that I am sure. However, even in our limited first meetings, I got the vibe from both of these newfound companions that they would indeed be very fun to live with. I was certainly not disappointed. But so began the adventures of Nate, Josh, Steven, Daniel, Evan, and Keenan.
Obviously, I hoped my roommates’ first impression of me would be more along the baby-saver’s side of the scale than the Oompa Loompa singer’s. Unfortunately for me, in my life I have proven that I am much more likely to do the latter. I only wished my new roommates would be able to handle and accept my insanity and perhaps even embrace the madness alongside me. I knew that three of the five(named Josh, Daniel, and Steven) were safe, as they had gone to my high school and had been friends with me for years and thus knew what to expect. The two I did not know, however, could have gone either way. I did a brief amount of facebook stalking of both of them, attempting to get a feel for how they’d react to our dorm and the chaos that would surely arise within. This is very hard to do only having pictures and random wall posts to work with. However, the day soon came to move out, and with it, the day of the first meeting.
Now on that note, I’m sure some greater power must have intervened in my meetings with my roommates. Surely mere coincidence couldn’t have created such perfect situations; for instance, I met my roommate Keenan by walking in my dorm to see what it was like, seeing Keenan down the hall, deciding I didn’t recognize him even with my aforementioned facebook stalking, panicking, muttering a very awkward greeting, and running back out the door to the much more comforting environment of the outdoors. It must have been fate. Naturally, I wish this is the same way in which I meet my future wife.
I was soon told by Daniel, one of the roommates that I knew from high school, that this stranger was indeed my roommate so I didn’t have to panic, and I soon gathered up the courage to reenter my dorm. In no time I had unpacked and was taking a very lovely nap. I was awoken by the noise of the door opening and the sight of a stranger peeking into my room. This time my facebook stalking did not fail me, and I knew he was my roommate Evan. I was very sleepy, so I am not entirely sure what I said to him at this point, but I am very certain that it made little to no sense. It was a very tender first meeting, though. Of that I am sure. However, even in our limited first meetings, I got the vibe from both of these newfound companions that they would indeed be very fun to live with. I was certainly not disappointed. But so began the adventures of Nate, Josh, Steven, Daniel, Evan, and Keenan.
Intro, I guess.
Well here’s the thing, guys. I was going to write a big old intro to this blog, captivating the readers’ attention and setting up an acceptable transition to the interesting stuff, just like my old English teachers taught me. However, I decided that this would be way too much work and I had mercy upon my fingers and brain, and therefore decided to simply skip typing an intro and get down to the nitty-gritty.
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